where do i even begin.
after committing career suicide and taking a risk i thought was worth taking, I am now suffering the consequences.
desperate to leave my previous stable work place i jumped ship.
i did not know i was jumping into a sinking ship.
and now, here i am.
drowning and struggling to stay afloat.
my finances are fucked, my savings keep depleting. im trying to swim. but i am just getting tired.
how the fuck did i go from earning double digits, to a slightly above entry level salary.
promises were made, and then subsequently broken.
but hey, why am i complaining, at least i have a job no?
but yes, what is the point in having one, if your employer can hardly pay your salary and sometimes you only get half.
commitments are being stretched. debt is stacking up.
how did I get here? i was too bold.
ive basically not moved in my career at all, in fact i've gone backwards. and sometimes i question myself, am I really good at doing what I do? Sure, Ive messed up here and there occasionally but never has it gone beyond repair.
I feel like I am struggling because i loathe my career choice, and I have been doing since 2009. thats 9 years! 9 FUCKING YEARS of doing something I hate.
And i feel stuck, because it is all I know, and its not like I can suddenly change career paths. even if i try, ill have to go into a postion where I will be even worse off than I initially was.
im stuck and i hate this feeling. its not that i dont know what to do about it. i do.
and its got me really really down. i didnt think i would be in the state that i am in now at any point in my life.
it all went to hell when i decided to jump ship.
im drowning and im losing the will to keep swimming.
what is the reason for me to keep breathing? seriously?
ive fucked up my career badly, my savings are being depleted, im in a relationship with someone who i can never get married to (which is my ultimate life goal), what reason is there for me to keep breathing?
my mother? who constantly demands money from me and gives me a reminder as to what a failure i have become. she can take care of herself. she has the money.
im tired of feeling this pain. really tired. im not giving up.
im just tired of breathing.
