Intensity, Pent up emotions

Today i cried and faced my worst fears. 

I am terrified and i am lost.

And i am losing the will to keep breathing.

What has become of this thing called “my life”, what have i done to get to where i am now.

I am struggling to find reasons to keep going and keep fighting.

The only thing thats keeping me breathing is that i dont want to leave him alone and also well the mother as well, and my friends too . i cant inflict pain on the people i love, i wldnt be able to deal with that in the after life, if there even is one.

Lost.

The most appropriate word for me now.

Lost is me. I am not sure what im looking for, i am not sure i want to be found, all i know is that this pain this weight this burden ive been carrying, it needs to go.